This installment will be an update of sorts composed of news items and the new Dear Mrs. Obvious Column. The ski reports are wonderful and there is abundant snow everywhere. Check www.onthesnow.com/CO/skireport.html or www.onthesnow.com/NM/skireport.html. Taos is reporting 53 new inches of snow since February 3rd so you can’t really miss unless you don’t go at all.
The LMD has not had any real organized outings for over a month. Many of us are doing our own thing and leaving our home turf for some strange stuff…….Steamboat, Wolf, Santa Fe and Taos to name a few. With spring break nearly upon us, we are going to watch our crowd gauge in planning our trips. The influx of New Texicans will start in a week and Angel Fire will get extremely busy. With Easter coming so late the schools and colleges will have varied spring breaks, which is either a plus or a minus depending on how you look at it. The larger destination areas will probably be impacted less due to the numbers being spread out more evenly rather than everyone spring “breaking” during the same 2 weeks. I will update this site if you have more information or first hand reports.
The Last Mountain Division is sad to announce the exodus of Gene and Sue Downs, two of our founding members, to Texas of all places. Psssssst……….there ain’t no skiin’ in Texas, ya all. That’s why they all come here. They do got bugs the size of bunnies and big o’snakes and other nasty reptiles. They also got tornadees and cuckaroachus. But they hain’t got no skiin’. They do got humidity. It is so humid there you cain’t even get a reasonable nose bleed. They got oyl and they got a grassy knoll but they do not have US!!!
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| We will miss you, Mr. and Mrs. Downs |
See ya later, my friends……………
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| Happy Trails!!! |
We have also received a note from a new member who plans to visit the ranch and ski with us soon………
Deer Miz Shelton,
Purhaps you don't no me but eye'm a good frend of Jean and Soo Downs. Sins eye no that they don't ski in Texas eye thot maybe eye culd ski in there place. Tho it mite not be obvious to everbody, eye am a little overwate. As my last card sed to Jean and Soo "I love them a ton, maybe more!" Do yous guys think I culd get heve duty skis and maybe sum outriggers so I ken keep my balanze. Eye nose that eye's no replacement for Jean and Soo but my presents culd remind yous of how much we all miss them. Eye'll be visiten my bruther Bubba in prison soon so maybe eye'll catch a ride to the Downs joint and give em all a big (and eye meen BIG) kiss for ya'all.
Sea ya'all on the slopes.
Bedde
Dear Mrs. Obvious
Dear Mrs. Obvious,
I liked the column definitions about skiing and the foibles thereof. I didn't realize there was so much studying involved. Question: When I ski strange liquid collects on my mustache and eye brows. Also, even though I am in perfect health, my nose runs. Why?
Paul Vircsik
Dear Paul,
I consulted with our Hazmat Coordinator, Jerry Colaner, regarding your question. Jerry has studied this phenomenon for years and states unequivocally that “at first I thought it was something serious, but it’snot.” Ski on, my friend!!
Mrs. O
Dear Mrs. Obvious,
I was taking a ski lesson recently and the instructor kept referring to a “pole plant.” Well, it was pretty darn obvious that I didn’t have one and I felt really left out and embarrassed. Then he also kept making comments about “face plants” and said I had one. Well I sure as heck didn’t….. I didn’t take any kind of plants skiing with me. Is he nutz? When I got back, I went to Wal-Mart and they didn’t have any of these plant types!!! They laughed at me and made coo coo motions with their hands. Can you help?
Fred
Dear Fred,
My poor child. A pole plant is not really a living plant but refers to placing your ski pole in the snow so that you may ski over it and fall right on your butticus largicuss. A face plant, however, refers to falling face down in the snow after accidentally skiing over a whoop-de-doo in a terrain park. You will have to excuse those Wal-Martians for their bad behavior. Below is a photo essay of the anatomy of a face plant complements of our Hazmat Coordinator, Jerry Colaner. I hope this helps.
Mrs. O
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| Jerry “The Detroit Cobra” Colaner mistakenly hits a snowboard jump |
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| Ta Da!!! |
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| A Face has been planted |
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| Since this was a yard sale, Jerry was able to retrieve his equipment from the jump without help. Note the distance to the poles and how far uphill he had to go to get them. |
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| Having fallen all the way back down to his skis (called a double header or a two-for-one) it occurs to Jerry that just maybe… he has broken a rib. Luckily only his pride was injured. |
Dear Mrs. Obvious,
I am not the greatest skier and have a great deal of difficulty getting up from a just your average white sale. Can you help?
Robbie
Dear Robbie,
Getting up from a fall is quite easy especially if you have two people available to assist you. Follow the instructions below.
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| From the face plant position, remove snow from nose and breathe quietly until help arrives |
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| Assume the tips up position |
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| Come to a sitting position. Grasp the helpers offered poles firmly in both hands. |
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| Never mind!!! |
You may email Mrs. Obvious (mjhandpt@activematrix.net) with your questions and they will be answered in the order received, maybe. Please keep your questions relevant to skiing.
So that’s all from the western front………
Be careful out there and remember to always finish your turns………
MJ
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