Newbie’s Rule!
By Mary Jo Shelton

Now that the Texan invasion has subsided, the SFTR skiers have once again re-claimed the slopes of Angel Fire (January 5, 2003).  The conditions were generally good but I did ski about 100 yards of dirt colored slush and a grassy knoll.  Our group today included newcomer Diane Rader, returnees Jerry and Robbie Colaner, founders Gene and the always lovely Miz Sue Downs, Mike Shelton and me.

From the left to right, Gene, Sue, Robbie, me, Jerry and Diane.  Missing: the guy taking the picture.  Notice the snow storm behind us brewing over Wheeler Peak.  It produced 8 new inches of snow that night for both Angel Fire and Taos.

We did spend some lift time clarifying some terminology for the “newbie’s.”

  1. White Sale:  a slow purposeless yet graceful fall that generally involves no speed, no loss of gear and no loss of dignity.  Occurs without warning with no heavy thudding to earth and has no identifiable reason for occurring.  Sometimes happens in lift lines and most always involves an audience.  Mysterious.
     
  2. Garage sale:  a fall that involves some earth seeking gyrations and some loss of gear but you usually land on it or it is within reach.  Usually a non-painful episode and you know the reason why it occurred but rarely own up to it.
     
  3. Yard sale:  far more spectacular than a garage and does involve out of reach loss of gear.  Skier is capable of self retrieve although may be in some physical and emotional distress and of course embarrassment (and rightly so).
     
  4. Flea Market:  usually a higher speed thrashing with significant loss of clothing, gear and dignity.  Snow may invade underwear.  Regrouping requires assist from others and morphine.
     
  5. Clearance Sale:  There are two kinds of Clearance Sales
    1. a fall caused by another skier but usually a ##$%^@* snowboarder.  Results in severe angst and bad language.
    2. a fall that is so disheartening and/or frustrating that you head for the bar.  Ski day over.
       
  6. Estate Sale:  Don’t even go there.

We also had an in-service on the perils of “dropples.”

Dropple: drop-pull, noun
  1. A large, cold, viscous drop of liquid that falls from the overhead chairlift mechanism or towers after a snow or on a warm day.  Dropples always land on your sunglasses, goggles or down your neck.
  2. May contain liquid of dubious origin and has the ability to melt your lenses on contact.
  3. If you are the recipient of a dropple call for the Hazmat Team (Jerry Colaner, Hazmat coordinator for the Last Mountain Division.  He embodies the spirit of hazardousness)

Then, of course, there is the deadly “skunt.”

Skunt:  ska-uhn-t, noun
  1. A very hard chunk of ice (ball bearing-ish) made of densely packed slush that has frozen and been machine groomed into perfect cubes.  Avoid skiing on a skunt or skunts at all costs.  Failure to do so will result in a serious crash involving any one of the falls listed above and usually a good case of “hamburger” hip.

Hamburger Hip:  ham-burr-ger  h-ip, adjective/noun.
  1. A minced and/or bruised condition of hip observed after hard contact with a snow packed surface or wood.  Highest probability of occurrence: skiing over skunts or on catwalks (one of the most thunderous of falls possible.)
  2. Can resemble patty of ground meat.

I think the rest of these photos speak for themselves so here they are:

Jerry Colaner self arresting after a 180 degree pirouetting face plant a la garage sale variety.

Jerry “dusting” himself off after being on the receiving end of a “snow shower” provided by Mike Shelton while Jerry was grounded.  Watch out Mike, he owes ya’!

Colaner on the descent.  Robbie and Jerry live in their cabin on the SFTR during the winter for the sole purpose of skiing! Welcome home!!!

Rader working on moving from advanced snow plow to stem christies

Sue, “my boots are glued together,” Downs cruising the blues

Last Mountain Division Air Attack……..Mike Shelton and Jerry Colaner

The end (Guess Who?)

PS.  We returned to Angel Fire today, Tuesday, January 07, 2003.  AF had received eight new inches of snow Sunday nite and the skiing was much better……..no turf or mud bogs.  We also had a great time……..but don’t we always???

So that’s all from the western front.

Be careful out there and remember to always finish your turns………
MJ

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